I wrote the following few paragraphs (in Italics) a while back. I never published them and I am glad I did not. I realize now I was a bit ahead of myself and that what I wrote reflects less of me now than it ever did. Let’s just say my perceptions have swayed towards a different path. That said, I leave you with a flavor of these paths, as many of you have bared witness of both. I share them with you on the day my parents and the Lebanese authorities claim I was born. Let’s face it, who can really tell when he or she were born, we were all told a date and it stuck!
“In a few months I will be 29!Now, to the un-keen eye, 29 is not a specially impressive number. It is no “sweet” 16 or “driver’s license” 18, or “all you can drink” 21. And it’s not one of the big O numbers either…
You never really think about it, but surly you know that one day you will turn 29, just like you turned 19, 10 years ago. And yet lately, I feel like I have been caught off guard, knocked out by a huge bat swung at the back of my skull, and mugged! Yes that’s right I feel mugged. My 20’s were stolen. I am not scared of being 30; it is not fear that I am feeling, seriously, it is not! It is more like a “OH MY GOD, I HAVE BEEN ROBBED!” kind of feeling. And just like a real victim, I am still swinging between denial and reality. Claiming that this can’t be happening to me, I wait for the candid camera guy to pop his head from around the corner to tell me “smile you are on candid camera and you are not 29 you are really 22. We are sorry we drugged you and made you think that you just missed the last 7 years of your life”
Off course you and I both know that the candid camera man will NOT pop his head or any other part of his body for that matter!
Now here is the catch, my life has not been half bad. I actually had a good job. I have a car, which needs a minor paint job, but a car nonetheless. I am healthy, in the sense that I should exercise and eat better, but don’t drop into the ER every 5 minutes. I also have a family that loves me. I own a mac, and one day will get an Iphone (yes these are measures of happiness nowadays don’t pretend to be shocked) and most nice things are within my financial reach. Then why does this morbid feeling of loss continue to clutch at my soul?” I go on to say that while I am thankful… “I just do not feel 29”, and that: “I want a DO OVER!”
Today, I start consuming the last year in my 20s and in doing so I mark the end of a decade. 10 years is a lot of time people! 8 months ago, I felt robbed out of my 20s, simply because I could not gather how they have passed. And, when I wanted to assess how they were spent, I benchmarked against the 20s of others (P.S. not a good idea, simply because you are who you are, and you are not them). But now it doesn’t seem that I did so bad. In fact I think I did well. A do over is still nice, but since they do not exist, let’s focus on what we have, shall we?
I, like many others, will continue to question how I have spent my years and sometimes will not like the answer, but at least I question, and every once in a while a few satisfactory answers surface. Today, I decide to write these answers down, save them for a rainy day if you like, and share 29 of them with you. In no particular order, they are as follows:
1. Graduated from a good university: true, credit goes to my parents and professors for making that happen but I must have thrown in some effort for it to work, right?
2. Worked for 2 major organizations and moved slightly up the corporate ladder
3. Made loads of friends and I’d like to think I kept some… yes I am horrible at staying in touch. But, they know I care. Every once in a while when I do drop in a hello, I still get the same warm sentiments I got before life kept us apart.
4. Learned from the best: I am not just talking about managers and professors, I am also surrounded by some of the youngest smartest people around, and the fact that I am in their presence learning from them rocks!
5. Back to friends: have friends from across the globe, living across the globe, ranging from 19 to 40 something years old. I am a friend with people from different political, religious or non-religious backgrounds but all very intelligent and kind. They have helped shape me, continue to do so, and have taught me to accept all. In fact I have become friends with a river, a picnic, a lollipop and a bee… not many can say they have done that!
6. Stood 3 cm away from Michael Angelo’s first painting of St. Anthony being tormented by demons at the MET in NYC! I still can’t believe it
7. Been to the Guggenheim museum and witnessed some of the greatest paintings of Picasso and Renoir estimated at 15 – 20 million dollars if not more. I also saw the work of Frank Lloyd Wright one of the greatest architects of his era. Can’t believe that either!
8. Went to the best jazz places in Chicago. Met Ary Brown!
9. Been to Wharton (for just one month but have been there) and learned plenty about CSR from plenty of great minds.
10. Met 21 great girls from across the Middle East all at once and while I am still in touch with some… I have great memories of all
11. Currently living in a prime location in Beirut (sure it’s half a room but still prime location!)
12. Managed to come back to school… it took me a while but I made it… Hip, Hip Hurray for determination and saving.
13. Did I mention I own a car! It’s a good one too… carcora I salute thee
14. Started a blog. My readership is still modest but one of the most talented Lebanese writers I know is following my blog so I guess he must have read something he liked. Suffice to say he is an Emmy award winner and the lead writer of Shankaboot and I am such a huge fan!
15. I think I’ve almost figured out what I want to do with my life, and I have a few potential business partners too. I am not quite there yet but I can see the horizon and it looks good
16. Discovered and continue to discover the many talents and great personality of my sister… one heck of a girl and couldn’t imagine me without her
17. My mom: well she needs a blog post on her own, but I wouldn’t replace her for any other mom. The techniques she uses to push me towards being my best are controversial but they seem to work.
18. Can’t say I have read all the greatest books and watched the greatest movies but thankfully, I have been given the tools to read and watch a few…
19. I have been to a cold play concert in Alpine Valley with 34,996 other people and 3 great friends.
20. I have been to some great plays and a Broadway musical at Broadway!
21. My teta still loves me. It’s crucial that you have a teta that loves you. You might say that all teta’s love their grandchildren but that is not entirely true, because frankly after reaching a certain age many turn grumpy and well you know how they are… 2il mohim, my teta still loves me!
22. Over the years, I have managed to maintain a sense of adventure and a love for trying new things. Don't want to loose that. I seem to have maintained my sense of humor as well. Don't want to loose that either.
23. Also over the years, I have learned to be less judgmental, more forgiving, and more positive, and to top it all of, I have learned the importance of biting my tongue as much as I can. Sure, a few things still slip, but I know now that words can be like bullets. Unless you really want someone dead, don’t shoot!
24. My dad is a walking political/ soccer encyclopedia and conversing with him about politics or soccer brings me great pleasure. Luckily, I have learned to value him more now. He is also the one who has instilled the love of writing in me, a gift I will be eternally grateful for.
25. You know how some people carry babies and they start crying, but then others carry them and the babies laugh or quite down instead. Well I calm them down and make them laugh. YES that too is important! I believe that the true measure of a human soul is if a child favors it or not and believe me they can tell.
26. I can cook… for real! Don’t mean to brag but I am actually good. I can also dance (not many people can do that and you know I am right!)
27. Can’t speak a word of French even if my life depended on it, but now I think of myself as a unique Lebanese instead of a lacking one…hehe
28. I have demonstrated and spoke for a cause I believe in… I hope I can do more of that and actually cause change.
29. Last but not least I look like a sophomore or a junior… at least that’s what many sophomores and juniors tell me…
Not a bad list… not bad at all. What do you think?
Life has sure thrown me a few curve balls. It throws those at us all the time. Now, if you lack mental_muscle coordination, as I do, but you are lucky, you will miss those fast suckers; but most likely than not, and I am a living example of this, those curve balls will slam you straight in the face! They will give you a black eye, a huge bump or a concussion, and you will wish, with all your might, that you had ducked for cover, or caught them and threw them back at life! Be careful for what you wish for though. Last I checked, it’s the curve balls that win the season. In every major sports event out there, it’s the curve balls that mark the difference between the winners and… well, everyone else!
An ending note: I am thankful, truly thankful for all the gifts I have been given, all the people I have come across, but mostly I am thankful for the patience you have revealed by reading the lengthiest post I have written!
One year to go before I leave my 20’s behind, here’s hoping I leave them with a bang!
Hope @ 29
Over and out!
I hear ya!
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